Awww Shucks, that’s just plain Corny!



A cornucopia of wasted cobs



Somebody please explain to me when the ridiculous practice of “peel-peeking” began, and why it has somehow proliferated all the way to July of 2011. Is it just me or has this gone too far? I am (of course) talking about the weird and destructive automatic habit some consumers of fresh produce have of needless sweet-corn exposure! I was in a local Woodman’s the other day, standing near the fresh fruits and vegetables when it hit me…that woman has parked her wire grocery conveyance near that bale of corn, and is busily peel-peeking as if her very life depended on each cob selection. Grasp, grip, peel-back, discard – grasp, grip, peel-back, discard – right into a large black plastic garbage can liner parked nearby the bale. What the Hell!

Why do we (not me…but YOU) continue to do it?

I’m sure that at one point in your life might have actually done it. At the very least, you were undoubtedly a material witness to the unholy act once or perhaps multiple times. You want fresh ears of sweet corn, so you sidle up to the store display; grab the nearest cob; grasp the green husk and giver a rip…peeking for Lord knows what!

Did you ever stop to ask yourself why? Sure it must have all started long ago quite innocently and even perhaps out of necessity, but now? Back in “the day” maybe a plague of marauding locusts had horrifically descended on a struggling rural farmstead, (totally unbeknownst to poor Farmer Ralph) and that tainted harvest somehow made itself to market. A quick visual check on a few ears might have saved you from trading in your prized hen once the fouled maize had been detected, but nowadays I am convinced it’s an activity that you think you are somehow expected to, supposed to, conduct or you will lose your consumer-credibility with bystanders. Kinda the way there is an unwritten rule about a dozen eggs selected from the cooler. Unless and until you take that “lid-lift glance” you are but a simpleton rube about to be duped into purchasing a dozen selections of hen-fruit which multiple others (far more savvy consumers than you could possibly aspire to be) have expertly bypassed. Or perhaps it’s just a crazy Pavlovian reflex…something you cannot help from doing.

In my logical argument against proliferating this bizarre ritual (or self-proclaimed God-given consumer right) I offer the following counter-questions and arguments to ponder:

When was the last time (while selecting bulk produce) you…

• Peel-peeked a bunch of bananas?
• Checked the interior of a pineapple with a paring knife?
• Created a new quart of strawberries by hand-selecting from all the neighboring containers, leaving the mushy ones behind?
• Core-sampled a cantaloupe to gauge its sweetness?

Perhaps grocery stores themselves are to blame for weakly caving in to selfish and pissy consumers who whined about wanting to shuck the entire ear before leaving the store; by placing an all-too-handy garbage pail nearby. I say that because not only were there the entire cob-shuckers busily shucking their choices, but as I said earlier; people peel-peeking and discarding entirely fine cobs also into the can, after they had dismissed their quality for one reason or another.

Finally, with my four completely randomly selected (in protest) peel-free cobs in my cart, I checked out with a smile on my face…then I noticed on the way out of the store that there were several shopping carts with “reduced” produce in them. Amongst the myriad of second class items, I sadly saw plenty of (now completely) peeled sweet corn covered in plastic wrap, that perhaps had been rescued from the waste bin prior to being cruelly discarded.

UPDATE: my completely un-examined corn was placed on my Weber grill and eventually shucked at the dinner table with surprisingly normal results. The golden ears tasted just like corn and were completely locust-free! 

If you don’t believe me…check out more corn-rage here: Some poor fool decided in 2004 to ask a simple question and a multitude of produce-nazis responded with disdain and loathing to the guy for pages and pages...it's a real eye-opener into the dark souls of the sanctimonious, spoiled consumer.