Mock Chicken Legs - Original...Amazing...Not Chicken (or Legs)

This recipe is from my dearly departed grandmother Florence (Nanny) Smerlinski. She was my mother's mother and she was very Polish. I could go an and on as to the wonderful human being she was, but for now, I will choose to honor her memory with one of my favorite homepun recipes; the Mock Chicken Leg. Now my brother Chuck Devereaux (Yes, that Chuck Devereaux of Moments in Time Pencil Portraits) just KILLS at this recipe! He makes the best Mock Chicken Legs this side of the Artic Circle. But I am a close second. Interestingly enough...these yummy "hand foods" taste nothing like chicken (and that's more than OK, trust me) so about the only thing I can think of, for them to earn their coveted moniker is the fact that you can pick them up somewhat like a chicken drumstick and gnaw on their goodness (ala Henry the VIII at a food orgy). And that reminds me...I once went out birding (as Birdstud) and looked high and low for the infamous and cagey "Mock Chicken" for an entire afternoon...but that's another story for another blog.

It must be stated that the Mock Chicken Leg is (for whatever reason) a midwestern favorite; particularly in Milwaukee where I live. Perhaps it is because chicken is such a rarity that we Wisconsinites have resorted to reasonable facsimile, in order to get our fix...I don't know for certain. Anyway, I digress...

Here's how to make these amazing goodies:

Food Ingredients:  

• 2 Lbs - Beef Stew meat (Chunked) 
  
• 2 Lbs - Pork (Chunked)  
  
• 1/2 cup - Kellogg's Corn Flake Crumbs  
  
• 1/2 cup - Regular Bread Crumbs  
  
• 3 - Eggs  
  
• 1 large yellow onion 
  
• Pepper  
  
• Bacon Salt  
  
• Water  
  
• Olive oil 

Tools of the Trade:  

• 8 - 1/8" X 6" pointed wooden skewers
• Le Creuset 6.75 Qt. Oval French Oven (or some other sub-standard baking dish you have in the cupboard...it just won't be as good as mine...)
• Large non-stick frying pan
• Low rectangular baking dish (for egg mixture)
• Wooden spoon
• Wooden tongs

Alternate the beef and pork on the wooden skewers

Here's a close-up of the suculent beef and pork on the skewer...is this creepin' you out?

In your oval baking pan; place the bread crumbs and Cornflake crumbs.

Yeah, why not...it's just gonna get dirty anyway, so why mess up another dish?

Mix the two together.

Crack three eggs into another low dish..

Whisk up three eggs (yeah, with a whisk)

Check out this Video of the Birdstud rolling the skewers into EGGS and CRUMBS!

Put in 1/4 cup of your favorite olive oil into your frying pan.

Turn on the heat to med-high

Take your large (sharp as hell) Pampered Chef Chef's knife

and cut the onions outer skin off.

Cut the onion into THICK slices.

Here's the 8 lovely Mock Chicken Legs all ready to be fryed up...let's watch...

That is totally amazing Birdstud...You Rock at frying stuff!

4 in the pan at once...say it ain't so Joe!

4 crispy Mock Chicken Legs.

Layer the onions first on the bottom.

One layer of MCLs on a bed of onions.

More onions...

Another layer of MCLs and top that off with MORE onions...YUM!

Here's a surprise...add 3 cups of water! (Hey, you'll need gravy won't you?)

Pop that Oval French Oven into the oven at 350 for 3 hours...can you say tender?

SIDES

Take a skinny zuchinni and use the fancy ripple cutter on them

Squeeze a whole lime onto the circlets of zuchinni and marinate (3-hours)

After marinating put the zuchinni into a pan with a little water and steam them until tender.

Spam and Noodles - Simple...Tasty...Cheap

Here's an old family favorite from way back. At least as far back as Spam goes anyway...(and I don't mean junk mail) It's a definite crowd-pleaser too. Both young and old find themselves going back to the pot for another tasty helping. You may find (or know) folks who turn up their nose at the thought of Spam; but just pop a plate-ful of this in front of 'em and watch.

It's not complicated, and it's not expensive. I can get this made for about $ 8.50 and it will feed 6-8 people easily

Food Ingredients:

• 2 - Tins of (low sodium) Spam - {Note: Don't go all "healthy" and buy the low fat variety, but do save yourself the extra salt so you can spice it up later. Plus, you'll need Spam's natural fats to provide the necessary "lube" to your meal without having to put in more oil or butter for no reason. Trust me.}
• 1 - (16 oz) bag of Cremettes Dumpling noodles
• - Luzianne Cajun Spice (or some other spicy-spice you enjoy)
• - Pepper - (to taste)
• - Water - (to boil noodles in)
• 1 - Tablespoon Dehydrated onions (if desired)

Tools of the trade:

• 1 - Large non-stick pot (around a 10" opening will do nicely)
• 1 - Medium-large non-stick frying pan
• 1 - Large (Sharp) chef's Spam knife
• 1 - Wooden spoon (no, not a metal spoon...got it?)

Get about 1/2 of your pot full of water and start boiling the water. Once boiling, dump the entire bag of noodles in and stir with the wooden spoon. Reduce the heat and let 'er cook. ~ IMPORTANT ~ Only boil your noodles about 12 minutes, leaving them "almost" done, but no where near mushy!

While Noodles are cooking:

~ Place the two Spam blocks on a cutting board and slice them the long way in 1/2 inch slabs.

~ Turn the Spam blocks and cut them into 1/2 inch strips the other way.

~ Finally, turn the blocks so that you finish with 1/2 X 1/2 "cubes" of delicious Spam.

~ Dump the cubes into your frying pan with nothing else (at first)

~ Sprinkle on the Luzianne Cajun Spice and pepper to your liking.

~ Fry the cubes on high heat, turning and tumbling them with your wooden (don't gouge the hell out of the expensive non-stick cookware please...) spoon. Tumble - wait - tumble - wait - steal a piece out and eat it - tumble - wait - steal another piece - wait. Do this about 10 minutes, or until the cubes are beautifully, lightly crispy and browned. (...or until you notice you've eaten both cans of the stupid Spam!)~ (watch the video at the page bottom to see some actual movie footage of crackling Spam and Noodles!) - Shut off the heat when done.

~ Drain your noodles into a colander and leave them there to sulk and contemplate their existence, while you rinse their pot and return it (empty) to your stove.

~ Dump your fried Spam cubes from their frying pan and into the (now) empty noodle pot.

~ Now dump your noodles from their colander prison, into the aforementioned pot with the patiently waiting Spam cubes.

~ Turn on the heat to medium-high. Stir them both together with the (I'm starting to understand why we use "wooden" spoons in non-stick cookware) wooden spoon. Fry that glorious brown and noodle-yellow stuff for about 10-15 minutes, stirring regularly. Notice how you needed no additional butter or oil due to the coating ability of the Spam's natural fat (or whatever the hell it is...who cares, because it's Spam and Spam does not have to explain itself.)

~ Now ladle up heaping steaming plate-loads and eat hearty brother...eat hearty. You can throw some veggies on your plate if you want to imagine you are eating an actual full "meal" but why? Just enjoy simplicity for a change and make no apologies...it's comfort food anyway.

Cracklin' Spam and Noodles....YUM! (A Video)